My Dear Daughter 3

Last week you made me worry. It had been days since you became ill and your fever hadn’t  subsided. I was at a loss on what to do. I was alone. Truly, I felt alone. Your father was away, and your grandparents were overseas. You didn’t want to take your meds and I had no other choice but to admit you to the hospital. I’m sorry.

Sorry.

For the longest time, ever since I split from your father, I have been made to feel like a failure. Voices were nagging around me telling me what to do. Questioning my decision to admit you to the hospital, although at the time, that was the best thing I could think of doing. I broke down in tears.

Words are so easy to say. Blaming is a convenient thing to do.

But I had to handle it by myself. I had to muster all my confidence and tell myself I’m doing my best. People around me were dragging me down, but out of my love for you, I did what I needed to do.

What they did to me, I will never do to you.

You’re the apple of my eyes and I want you to fly high. Soar in the skies, my daughter. I will not clip your wings by nagging you down, or not believing in you.

I raised you with the remnants of hurt I felt from my own upbringing and the fear placed in me that I will never be good enough. And I promised myself, never to do that to you.

Although it’s hard for you to understand it now, but I try to make sure you never see the tears I cry at night while I pray for you to be happy. The pride I swallow to make sure you grow up fine. The wrongdoings I forgave so that you’ll have the uninterrupted love of both your father and mother.

My dear daughter,

Carry on being your wonderful self. My worries fade away when I hear your cheerful laugh. My spirit reignited when you share your dreams with me. My heart swells with pride when you tell me you love me.

Let those tears roll on my cheeks, my daughter.

For your happiness, they are worth it.

Love,

Your mother.