Story: This can’t be wrong

I looked into his eyes and my desire for him swelled. Those wet lips, those magnetic eyes, those soft, supple hands. I wanted them all over me – caressing, groping, touching. As my mind wandered off in the midst of my dinner date with Jamie, I could only think of one thing. I wanted him. I wondered how he would be like in the bedroom, just the two of us, not a shred of cloth covering our bodies.

“Can I have a bit of your meat? Looks good, you’re almost finishing it.” Jamie asked all of a sudden.

There was a moment of pause as those words slipped off my hearing. I was too preoccupied  imagining the moans as his body pressed against mine, as his lips playfully bit mine.

“Hmm? Sorry, I just have so much on my mind. Sure.” I picked up some shredded meat and placed them on his plate.

I wanted what I wanted. It’s been a year since I’ve been touched by a man. And that horrible ex of mine moved on so quickly, got married to a yoga teacher whom he hardly knew. She was not even half of me. Broken and disappointed, I needed to move on from my sorrows and make up for the worthless sacrifices I’ve made in my marriage to the most ungrateful person in my life. I wanted to feel radiant, I wanted to be compensated for what I lost; I wanted justice. I was a woman, an attractive woman. I was determined to get what I wanted, and what I wanted was the man seated opposite me.

As we were sipping red wine throughout the night, we became more comfortable in each other’s presence. We talked for hours, and I found it easy to laugh at all his jokes. I purposely wore a low-cut little black dress which showed my cleavage and occasionally, I drew his gaze towards my bosom by twirling my necklace. In mid conversation, I flitted my eyes elsewhere for a mere second and then glanced at him with a smile, to whet his appetite. I looked at him again, I gazed intently and bit my lip. I wanted him to know. Oh man, and he knew.

I could feel his hands touching my knee, staying there for a few seconds. I smiled and gave him a wink.

“Shall we have more wine?”

Although being in a state of intoxication would ruin the moment when we finally devour each other’s bodies, I wanted him to relax, I wanted him to feel safe. There were no signs of him being attached, no ring on his finger. He looked like the kind of man who often drowned himself in work. The tell-tale signs were there – those dark eye circles, the haggard, tired appearance. He looked like a man who did not get much rest, pouring his energy into, I can only assume, his career. When else can he find an attractive woman seated opposite him hankering for him? We did not find each other on a dating app or a bar, we were introduced by a mutual friend. First, for business. Then after meeting a few times, we felt mutual  attraction for each other. Then, he asked me out on a date.

“How’s life treating you so far? Are you getting on well?” Jamie enquired. I appreciated his caring gesture, as I too was sizing him up during this date. I was not young anymore. In fact, I had become jaded, tired of dealing with men in general. Men who were too selfish, who showed gallantry only to get into my skirt. But with Jamie, I could sense his sincerity. He looked at me seriously, almost concerned. He took my hand and caressed it. I took it as a sign that this was a real man, not one of those playful boys out there who did not know how to cherish a woman.

“I’m doing fine. It’s been hard, but I’m getting used to it,” I smiled and playfully tinkered with my fork to allure him.

We ended the dinner in good spirits, relaxed and in anticipation of what would come next. Jamie drove me home at the stroke of midnight. My heart was fluttering; my desires lingered in my mind and my body craved the sexual culmination that I hoped would happen tonight.

I was feeling a little tipsy, but lucid. I planted a kiss on his cheek, and he groped my waist and pulled me to his body as we embraced and passionately locked lips. The temperature seemed to rise and his hands brushed against me in forbidden places. First, my waist, then my hips, then he squeezed my breasts. In the heat of the moment, in the car, I could feel him aiming for my bra. I had to ask him to stop. Still reeling with passion, I whispered, “Come upstairs.”

I fixed my hair but held his hand as I led him into my apartment. I hid my excitement and pretended to look cool. As I closed the door behind us, I let loose, and so did he. We frantically removed layers of our clothes until we were bare naked.

All the sequence of a sexual intercourse were played on intensely – the groping, the rubbing, the licking, the kissing – then the thrusting, and finally the satisfying moans. I never felt so alive in my life as I did that night, and I could sense that Jamie was immensely enjoying it too.

He held me close, kissed me on my forehead and caressed me. All of a sudden, he wept. Panicked, I wondered what happened and stroked his forehead.

He cried suddenly with a reveal that seemed like an atomic explosion, “I am marriieeeddd…”

Those words fell to my ears and sent shivers to my spine. I had loathed my ex-husband for his betrayal of our marriage and now I find myself in the shoes of the other woman. Feelings of disgust pervaded my soul and I shrieked, “What? How could you do this to me?”

“There’s no more feeling between me and her for a long time. I’m like a dead corpse around her. She doesn’t even care about me,” he pleaded.

There was a moment of silence after he said those words, while I tried to digest them.

“Am I supposed to feel better by that? Whether she loves you or not, we just committed adultery. You are still married!” I screamed.

My heart beat faster and there were beads of sweat falling from my forehead. I cried and he moved an inch away covering his face with shame. He wept too.

“Whenever I am with you, I feel happy. I have lost all feelings for her, and when I met you, I instantly felt something that I haven’t felt for a long time.” Jamie offered what seemed like a pathetic justification of his actions.

“Don’t feel wronged, Alicia. I’m in love with you and I felt something so real tonight,” he pleaded once again.

“I felt something too. How can something that is so wrong seem so right?” I softened a little and my nerves felt calmer.

We embraced each other and kissed passionately. My mind and heart were at odds; on the one hand, I was confused, on the other hand I was relishing the intense feelings of our intimacy. He wiped my tears and caressed my face gently.

“Is this wrong?” I whispered silently into his ears.

“No. I’m in love with you,” he said softly.

Jamie kissed me with such intensity and desire. Once again I found myself melting into his embrace. We rubbed each other’s bodies and the temperature rose again. We kissed and fondled each other, and the thrusting continued. No, this couldn’t be wrong… it just felt so good.